Monday, June 27, 2011

Parenthood and Grandparent-hood!

We have added another member to the Hawkins family!  Little Zoey Louise Trammell was born June 23rd at 12:16 a.m. 8 pounds, 14.6 ounces, 21 inches long. We now have two boys & two girls!  She is healthy, happy, and looks just like Robyn.  This was without a doubt the hardest of the four.  They induced Robyn at about 9:00 Tuesday morning.  After two days Robyn stopped dilating and had started to swell so they did a C-section.  I was okay with it all until she started to swell.  My stress level reached it's peak when Zoey was born & nobody could tell us if Robyn was okay.  There has only been one other time in my life that I was that frightened.  That was when Malinda was so sick and in the emergency room the last time before her surgery.  Her blood pressure was 60/40 and still dropping.  They couldn't get an IV in because she was so dehydrated and without the IV her blood pressure would continue to drop.  I honestly thought I was watching my daughter die and there was nothing I could do.  There is no more helpless feeling than that!  I felt pretty much the same way right after Zoey was born. There was just a few minutes (maybe 10) that I didn't know if Robyn was okay or not.  In both cases, with Malinda and Robyn, everything turned out okay and today they are both healthy and happy with daughters of their own but I will never forget that feeling of helplessness.

I can't believe that Zoey will be a month old before I see her again.  I wish they were closer to home.  I can't wait to see her again. I want to see all of my grand kids at the same time in the same place! I want to get a picture of all 4 of them together on memaw's porch swing! At least the boys will be here for a week next month.  I always look forward to having them here.  The pool is ready and waiting.  I am ready for them.  They are getting so big now.  I don't know how much longer they will want to give up a week of their summer to spend it with Mimi & Papaw but I hope they will come for at least a few more years.

Thursday, June 16, 2011


 Okay, for some reason I got it in my head that little Zoey Louise Trammell would make her entrance into the world today.  Maybe that's the reason  I've been wide awake since 3 a.m. but whatever the reason, here I am.
I want to go to Virginia and just stay until the baby gets here but I know that's not reasonable.  She is due on the 18th, this is the 16th and she could be as much as two weeks late!  As much as I would like to do that, we just can't afford to.
When Becky was born, the doctor thought she was coming 2 weeks early so we called mama and she caught the next flight to Miami. Not only was Becky not 2 weeks early, she was 6 days late!  My poor mom was there with us in a 1 bedroom apartment for 3 long weeks!  She never once complained but I know she had to have gotten tired of sleeping on the couch and not being at home with Daddy and her other 3 kids.
My problem is that I have been present for the birth of my other 3 grand kids and desperately want to be there when Zoey is born.  I was in the delivery room when Jonathan was born and actually took him from the delivery room to the nursery to be weighed, measured and get his first bath.  I will never forget that feeling!  Becky had given me the best gift she could ever have given me.  I was outside the delivery room door when Noah was born and heard him cry for the first time.  Vivienne was a C-section baby so I had to wait in the waiting room for her, but I got to hold her first (after her mom & dad of course).  Malinda had said that they would just have to flip a coin to see whether Joan or I got to hold her first.  I don't know if I won the toss or Malinda just decided, but she will never know what that meant to me!....or maybe she will ...when she is waiting for Vivienne's first baby to be born.
Unless you are a mom, you can't imagine what you go through when your baby is having a baby.  People tend to think that giving birth is such a natural thing that it's not that big of a deal, but when it's your daughter in there having a baby it's different.  You just want to be there to know that everything is going well and that YOUR baby is okay.  I know that the dad's mother is anxious to see her grandchild, but believe me being the mother's mother is different!  No matter how much you love your daughter-in-law, she is still not your daughter.  As a mother, the hardest thing in the world is to watch you child go through pain and not be able to do anything to help, but you just want to be there... to give comfort if nothing else.
I have made more than my share of mistakes as a mother, but it was out of ignorance, I always thought I was doing what was best for my kids.  If I had motherhood to do over again there are things I would change, but in the end, all you can hope for is that your kids don't suffer any long lasting damage because you didn't know any better and that they forgive you for your mistakes.
I'm sure that Robyn and Andrew will make their share of mistakes with Zoey, but maybe when she grows up she will forgive them just as I hope my kids have forgiven me for all of my mistakes and based on my kids, Zoey will turn out just fine in spite of it all!